God’s Chisel

My struggle right now has less to do with Morgellons and more to do with fear and larger life issues. I told a friend at work that my life is in chaos somewhat (we were chatting over messenger) and he sent me this link. I watched the video, it starts off kind of strange, but I gave it a chance and it really cut to the heart of the matter in my case anyway …

In another post I’ll have to share with you how I used to be before Morgellons and how Morgellons has changed me. For example, I used to be so scared of being sick or being around sick people. But now, even the constant cry that the H1N1 plague is coming doesn’t scare me. So, not everything that I am going through is bad, and even chaos can be productive, however, it can be painful like being chiseled.

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Comments on: "God’s Chisel" (8)

  1. Hello Mr. Commonsence,

    This is a very touching message the is good to reflect on frequently. Calming the self depricating chatter in the mind is paramount to being connected to others and ourselves (lowering stress). Since I have recieved so very much value from your writings, I am going to tell you something that changed my life for the better and helped to add comfort and balanced perspective to my life.
    After much thought and consideration (6 months) I purchesed a Harmony Chip from http://www.harmonyunited.com I thought it would help me with electromagnetic field intollerance. We live close to cell phone towers. I had the Morgellons symptoms for 2 years at the time I purchased it, I was familiar with the spells of anxiety morgellons caused.
    I decided to wear my Harmony Chip as a necklace. I was wearing it 24/7 and found I became quiet of mind, more compassionate, much less flappable and had an overview of myself that I could notice that I was feeling anxiety instead of being submerged in it and emotional.
    My husband saw the change and bought one too. One of my friends saw the change and also bought one.
    I know it has made a change for me, I have almost no negative chatter in my mind and am much calmer and optimistic. I bought it because my mind kept telling me “I should try that”.
    Electromagnetic fields really affect some people badly and others not at all. This is just one more piece of the puzzle. Hope this helps.
    Cat

  2. Thanks for sharing this, MCS. I for one would be very interested to hear about what kind of state you were in before this began, esp. as far as diet, exercise, general lifestyle. Not because I’m nosey, but because I’m trying to flesh out a picture of how this happens to us. Regarding the bigger issues of fear and how we deal with/fit into the world, I know! For me what’s happened with this is that the garbage I should have dealt with for years is now front and center. My important (but ignored) stuff has now become urgent. So this condition is forcing me to face all my issues. In anthropsophic medicine they believe you get sick in your body because your soul needs work, or something like that. It rings true for me.
    Anyhow, here’s a link to an article about fear and swine flu. I just found it as I was surfing around from your link to Ingrid Naiman’s article, “Terrain”.
    Oops, I lost it.

  3. Ok, here’s the link I referred to in the above comment. Now I need to get off this computer and go ride bikes with my boys–time for a love and oxygen fix!
    http://www.naturodoc.com/blog/2009/05/fear-not-get-to-work/

  4. Thanks Cat, and Susan, here is my life as it was before Morgellons. However, I think this was all Morgellons coming on like a freight train only you don’t know it until the crawling sets in (and some still don’t know what is happening to them).

    I was working a lot of hours, I have basically two full time jobs, a regular job and my software company. I constantly had sore throats, sinus infections, was having chest pain that couldn’t be diagnosed, when through bouts of vertigo, then had terrible long periods of being cold (months) which then swung over to being hot (would sweat like a pig just sitting there) then all of a sudden the cold/hot just stopped, very thyroid like. I had what felt like constant urinary tract infections (as a man?) but it was never found to be an actual infection, it was deemed Interstitial cystitis and was incrediblly uncomfortable. Lower pack pain, the souls of my feet hurt, Brain fog, and Anxiety began to creep up on me. Because of this I became incredibly fearful of sickness and people who were sick (who always came to work). Several times I had fevers that lasted a full seven to 10 days and no other symptoms (I think one of them was west nile virus though).

    All of this points to I think fungus and candida overload, and during this time my doctor just kept giving me more and more antibiotics to get rid of the sinus infections and so on ….

    Finally, the sharp biting was my first symptom which quickly progressed to body wide crawling sensations. I did have bird mites on me for a few days after this all started, but quickly stopped, then the nightmare hit. I saw things that I have never mentioned on my blog before (or at least I think I haven’t). Twice, at night, my right forarm emitted light, for a period of like 2 – 3 seconds, no kidding, it was absolutely facinating, I could see it coming from underneath and the light was coming from out of my poors. Had you seen it you would have been amazed. I knew I was in real trouble and went to radio shack bought a pocket scope and there beneath perfectly healthly looking skin was a lattice of red/blue fibers.

    It was at this time I totally lost it, near certifiable, did all kinds of harmful things. My family (wife and kids) thought daddy had gone “bye bye” … LOL

    Now, some folks wont understand this part and that’s okay.

    My worst fear was getting sick and dying, it hung over me ever waking moment of my life. I hated what life had become for me, I lived in utter fear of germs and now not only did I have probably have the most frightening thing imaginable but there was no help for me. I was a believer in Christ and had drifted far from home.

    It crossed my mind very quickly that He allowed this to happen to me like Job who said “My worse fear has befallen me” and that happened to me too, and no doctor was going to help. I believe God steered my path, put people in my way that I have mentioned on this board to help me, no magic bullet was coming, I had something to learn. Have I learned it? I’m not sure, I’m still trying to analyze the events of the last 5 or 6 years, 3 or which I had full blown Morgellons. Oh if I could write a book, the nights in the basement sobbing like a baby, wishing I’d never been born, “God, how could you let this happen to me !!” was my cry … (knowing full well many have suffered far worse).

    And here I am, in this same mess with you guys, trying to figure it all out just like everyone else … Did God allow my worse fear to befall on me to break it forever, I’m thinking yes …

  5. MCS, thanks for sharing this video. I literally exploded in tears near the end when “God” said “a father diciplines the ones he loves…”

    It’s easy to spiral down and be consumed with self pity and bitterness. “oh God! Why are you making me go through with this suffering!!!” but as stated in the video, this is part of the dicipline to change me… not out of spite and malice but out of love.

    Thanks for sharing your life situation prior to coming down w/ the affliction. You’ve reminded me the importance of pausing and reflecting where we are in our lives, especially with respect to the journey w/ our Creator… at the end, there’s newly found freedom the emerges from all of this.

    -kixx

  6. Hi Mr. CS,
    Congratulations for surviving this far! I surely would have FREAKED if I had seen light coming from my arm. I’m not quite sure how you and many others have survived this without any support in the beginning, without knowing what was going on. You all must be very strong, and it’s wonderful that you can find meaning–that is a trait of a survivor for sure. For my part, I’m thinking that when I get well I’m going to be engaging in some sort of activism–this has changed me. I’ve always been fairly organic, but didn’t want to step on toes, hurt feelings, be a pain in the butt. All that has changed–I’ve got a mission. Don’t know if it’s to educate about diet or toxins or what.
    I’ve been fortunate to find this blog and some of the excellent people on it pretty early into my experience with Morg. Though I didn’t know I had morg at first (thought it was birdmites), I became terrified when I realized it was a possibilty. I had read about Morg in the past so I knew what it was, and I must admit that it had long been lurking at the back of my brain as like the worst thing that could happen! So there you are, my worst fear came true also. And yet we are finding answers, and you are helping people and I hope to do the same.
    I’m selfishly very pleased you have survived to help others like myself–not sure where I’d be in this journey right now without this blog. Here’s to not merely surviving, but thriving!

  7. Oh, one more thought. In the past, I was organic, like I said. But it was out of fear, to protect myself and my family from all the carcinogens in the world, and it was fairly frantic in tone. The feeling that I now want to give back, contribute, etc, is new. It’s like Kixx said above, “there’s newly found freedom”. I know I’ve got a lot of growing to do yet, but I feel strongly that there is something spiritual going on in my life too as a result of this. Interesting.

  8. sistertocommonsense said:

    What could be more mortifying that seeing parasitic forms, fibers and the unexplainable coming out of ones own body, to be told that you are insane and no validation.
    How many are out there that do not even know what they have, running from Doctor to Doctor for validation.
    This disease changes people, it brings them to their knees and so many experience what I call “The Dark Nights of the Soul”
    But the Light of God always outshines the Darkness. You can take a 10,000 square ft warehouse filled with darkness and light one match and it will illuminate that warehouse. So in the end the darkness will never win.
    I have always said, “Science has got to make sense” and it does make sense. Thank you Kixx, MRC, Susan et all for helping us to make sense out of the Nonsense that I have read, as a researcher, over the years.
    Respectfully and with Admiration to all
    Sister to Common Sense

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