Anguish

I’m going through something right now I cannot share, it’s a serious health issue that is non-morg related. It has caused me to stand back and look at my life and the failure it’s been, and oh it has been a failure. Please don’t chime in and tell me I’ve done great things, because I haven’t, there are those that have, the ones that “do” you never hear about. If I am blessed to live on I am going to change my life, whatever my remaining years, down to the very core of my being.

Please, if this post is not your kind of post just let it go and don’t comment.

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Comments on: "Anguish" (34)

  1. dividing cricker said:

    As faithful as you are, be calm and trust in the lord , What ever happens he’s got your back. I’ve been through the fire , so have you . We have done our best ,what we could to help So you are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t. Thy will be done DC

  2. Mr.C, sometimes we are pushed to change and life can end up even better. Have faith in your God Mr.C. I a rooting for you.

  3. Mr. common Sense, Sorry to hear this update. I know you thought you were cured. I do believe that whatever you are going through has been triggered by morgellons which changes our DNA. I have had nanotechnology fly out of my body. It is diabolical and
    horrific to suffer through these tribulations. I just got an email from Alpha Omega Labs and recommend you research their products. Tonic III along with Lugols iodine has proven to give relief to some. I personally did have a cancer test done on myself because I know this fungus we get with morgellons that feeds the parasites which deliver disease, can give us cancer. My test came back borderline. Anyway whatever malady you have I am so very sorry I know you have a family and that is tough. But I know hemp oil and IV of vitamin C and antibiotics are miraculous along with the products from Alpha Omega Labs.
    Maybe in time you will share with us, we who have been on this journey with you, what is going on. Maybe you don’t want to scare us because we could be next. We are in this together and we are strong. Please know that you are surrounded by caring and loving people and beating yourself up is a big mistake. You are devastated, I understand, but remember, miracles happen. There are even ministries that heal the afflicted so there are avenues out there should you wish to seek them out. I would be happy to share of those that I know of should you want the information. We are in a battle of good and evil. The days of
    Revelations. I find in that a comfort in a way because we know we serve a good and loving God and if he is our master we are bound to be under attack.

    Write me if you wish….in the meantime, much love,

    Margaret Napier

  4. tina engressia said:

    ….but you have done great things and when you recover you will do more great things.

  5. He has a plan to do good for you…..My prayers go up for you.

  6. So sorry to hear you are sick again, and with something that you feel you can’t talk about. I hope your family is supporting you and that you have some sort of practitioner that you trust.

    Illness has a way of clearing the deck and resetting the course of our lives. As painful as it is, there is usually an unexpected gift wrapped up in the difficulty of the experience. I wish you love and hope your heart can find some lightness.

  7. healthcoachdannah said:

    Sorry you are having major health challenges. I will say a prayer for you.
    Blessings and Light.
    Dannah

  8. swarner said:

    I started listening to the preacher but couldn’t finish. To much fire and brimstone for me. I hope Mr c comes through this for the better.

  9. Hello Mr. C.

    Very sorry to hear about health issue. I will pray for you that you make it through this also.

  10. Hi Mr C,

    Im so sorry about your health issue…thank you so much for posting this remarkable video. I’ve learned so much about myself from your site. I would be so lost without it. I too am suffering from more health issues than morgellons and have learned about most of them both directly and indirectly through your site. I thank God for you and your readers… You are a blessing in my life, and you are loved, I will be praying for you and your family.

  11. Elizabeth E Emmert (E3) said:

    Others who have had more contact with you will no doubt make more sense – but I want to thank you for the wonderful, careful, thorough job you have done with this web site. It is not only extremely helpful, it is beautiful. I also appreciate your sharing from the depths of your being, the things that inspire you and lift you up. We all need such inspirations. I will include you in my prayers that the strength and vision that motivated you to start the web site will stand you in good stead as you face this recent challenge. All the best, E3

  12. Mr. Common Sense,
    Thank you so much for sharing. Funny enough I have been going through a similar thing. Also have been fighting for my life over the last three months and am still fighting. Unlike you I think for me (and maybe for you, and a whole lot of other people … shhhhh!, I have been bumping into relatively young and healthy people that are out of nowhere going through a life threatening health issues) this is related to Morgellons. I think it is related to all the things that the Morgellons set up inside our bodies, while we were busily preoccupied with what was going on the outside, and had no way to find out what was really going on. But that’s me, and we won’t go there any further. ; )
    On the failure side – God has been bringing so much healing, insight, wisdom, understanding and letting go that it is nothing short of miraculous. I thank Him for always being so full of Grace and Love.
    I love hearing that if given the chance you would live life in a different way; considering just the loving space of refuge that you provided to so many suffering with Morgellons in this website, I would love to hear what is your vision of this new life, or a successful life. Would you share? It sounds wondrous. Also, sounds like you got some golden nuggets out of your fight as well. Sending you Love.
    Will pray for you, and if you need more prayer the Kenneth Copeland Ministry has a call-in number (you can find it on his website) where you call, ask for prayer to heal and that prayer is then prayed over everyday by hundreds of believers. It’s pretty cool, and obviously very potent – considering my experience. It can only help. I have not talked to them about Morgellons, but maybe it’s worth a try as well. Maybe thousands of prayers would get us the results.

    • Mr. Common Sense said:

      I would love to hear what is your vision of this new life, or a successful life. Would you share?

      Mercy, if I get the chance here is going to be the basis of my life, I have squandered it chasing wealth, watching TV, wallowing in sorry and self pity, and I lost my true love, which once was the Joy of my life, the Lord, but I’m hanging on the verse a smoldering wick he will not snuff out



      FULL SCREEN CLICK HERE

      • dividing cricker said:

        I’m ready , jumper cables, air compressor towrope and a first aid kit , I worked in a body shop /my first job in the 70s . I went on accident runs in the wrecker . I learned very early on you had to know everything . I avoid the wrecks now but will help if I have to ,many nightmare scenes still haunt me. I just can’t help it , I have too….. My dad could always spot a person in trouble ,it must have been passed through DNA ??? DC

      • It made me cry. It is true, we are all so busy here chasing things, that that kind of real human kindness, Compassion, real care for complete strangers as if they were family – simply because they are human, children of God – it is not often found here in the States. It’s like we forgot how to be human … well, the better side of human at least.

  13. Mr. C,
    I found this scripture helpful for me – maybe it will also be helpful to you.
    ” You (say I) shall not die, but shall live, and declare the works of the Lord!”
    His will be done!

  14. DItto to all the above,…. all disease and healing begins in the gut,,, you should try Primal Defense Ultra Probiotic Formula by Garden of Life…too many people have come back using this .. so I hope you take a chance on it…. the man who started this company pulled himself out of a certain death… his book is “Patient Heal Thyself”… amazing story. Bless you and keep the faith…

  15. Determind said:

    We are all failures and we are all champions. If we didn’t we wouldn’t learn. I have been taught this the hard way. I have a mountain of regrets but I refuse to feel guilt and fear anymore. I did at the time what I was mentally capable of. I am quite a religious person so I hope you don’t mind if I go all religious on you. I believe there is a constant battle going on between God and the devil. God is positivity and pure love and the devil is negative. How many wrong decisions have you made on a negative thought, I can’t do this…, I’m not good enough.., I am not worthy? I have a lifetime of them but it was down to lack of faith in God and myself. A couple of years ago I was immobilised with fear and guilt and unfortunately had another failed attempt at taking my life. I was given time out in a Psychiatric Hospital. This week was life changing. I had been given an angel book months earlier which I sat and read it was full of positive affirmations for protection, self love and forgiveness. A couple of days later I met an amazing man the hospital Chaplain and we sit even now and debate our different faiths but he has a motivational love of God which I truly admire and a great sense of humour. But he told me that I did not love God until I love myself as I am part of him. I believe guilt and fear breed negativity and it grows until its all consuming and that gets you into even more stressful and negative situations. Then you feel even more guilt because you’ve lost your sense of fun around your loved ones and are quite self absorbed in misery. Mr Common Sense it sounds like you are at a cross roads – you might have failed at a lot in your life but you’ve succeeded in helping me escape from the isolation dealing with collembolla. I hate to be direct but take a good look at your children are they products of a failed man? from reading your site I really don’t think so. Your health worries I don’t mean under estimate but you have fought morgellons and helped hundreds of others fight it to. Even though you are ill then please keep up the fight I assume you have made a lot of knowledgeable contacts and you have the attention of hundreds of thousands of people. Knowledge is sometimes a cure in its self. And please keep the faith prayers are definitely heard and the serenity prayer has been life changing for me. God Bless. Hopefully a wee bit of comfort:
    God I know you’re with me
    I can feel you all around
    Out walking surrounded by nature
    There is so much beauty to be found
    A beauty of a father who loves his child
    And has given her a magical world
    Beautiful souls to share life’s journey
    Enjoy when times are sunny
    And when darker days overcast the sky
    When I’m finding hard to see the reasons why
    Guilt, self-criticism and fear overwhelm
    After many years I now know
    to look unto a different realm
    For solutions to my problems is only a prayer away
    Burdens uplifted that can cause my heart to fray
    I have found to learn at times life will be tough
    But I feel able surrounded in my father’s love
    Serenity is the faith I have in you
    Knowing you’ll be there to help me through
    So I thank you God from every inch of my soul
    To serve you justly is my greatest goal

    • Cindy Barry said:

      Love you Mr. C. I think you are going to do just fine!! Praying for you😊

  16. thank you so much..I’m not familiar with the particular religious language…but getting used to it living near the border….the emotions…however..wow
    so good to bring this out of the closet
    we really need to accept this..in order to move on
    thank you seems so inadequate.. but..thank you
    anguish
    ya

  17. Mr. C….my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I believe that when we are forced to take a serious look at our lives as you have done, many of us would consider ourselves to be failures. I think that is human nature.

    This website was such a blessing in my life when I was at a very low point with this condition and I will always be grateful. Please remember that you are the one that has helped so many people with your posts and that is no small accomplishment. Thank you and may you find peace in knowing that you have been a positive influence in the lives of others.

  18. I hope you will come through this health crisis, whatever it is. But believe me. I think the way you sounded in this post almost daily. I have been in a living hell for 5 yrs now and I know it must be my fault somehow and I’m being punished for not being the person I should have been, or just not being good enough I i enjoyed life, actually more than I realized but I survive now day by day , and most of them I wonder why I keep doing this insane struggle hourly 24/7 with now end in sight. It’s totally insane! But I have always been a fighter and if I feel like I’m being pushed in a corner and told I can’t do something, I will fight to get out just because I have to show that I can. But this fight has broken my spirit on many occasions, and I know you understand why and how it can do that. The main reason that I have been broken to a level ,totally beyond a low I would never believed possible for me! Is because I fight this daily24/7 by myself! I have no support and no one that can understand what it takes for me to get up and face just trying to get dressed and pretend I’m living. I have wanted God to end my life if I’m not ever going to get better. And that is so unlike the person I am inside that it is scary, but also I have changed from so much continual battling that It has become a thought of peace, and sanity, I love my children so much, they are grown and I finally was blessed with a grandson 2 yrs ago. I was so sick durring my daughter- in laws pregnancy that I couldn’t enjoy that and I think it hurt their feelings because they thought I just wasn’t interested or happy about it. But in fact, I was excited but horribly depressed because I couldn’t walk or get up and do anything at the time. I couldn’t open our door to get out of the house, my hands were swelled, and inflamed and very painful I couldn’t move my fingers sometimes, at this time I still didn’t have a diagnosis from the doctors. I had seen several doctors, and not one gave me any help or any diagnosis. So my family believed that I was finally having a nervous breakdown from all the stress that I had been dealing with. ( this was not true I had been dealing with more stress yearly for 20 or 25 yrs than most people have in one. But I was lucky, I knew how to deal with it , and I think I had done very well. It actually was an insult and hurtful for the people so close to me to think this way. That is why I just dealt with this by myself and became very reclusive, I stayed at home and in bed, but also because I hurt too much to get up , I couldn’t pick up my pots and pans that I cooked with. I couldn’t clean anymore, wich was very depressing and I have always been independent, I would cry because I couldn’t clean my kitchen or bathroom, but nobody knew this, or if they did , they chose to be in denial because they couldn’t deal or understand it either. I’m sorry for writing so much. I haven’t ever wrote or blogged like others. But I have been reading your blogs and others and I read everything you and others say about things to try that might help. I have spent some money on things that were bogus, but I have found a lot of useful tips and products. I should have invested in some, like paper- towels, vinegar peroxide, Epsom salt. Etc. I pray to God just to have my life back, everyday, yes the one with all the problems, and struggles, I would welcome being able to tackle those struggles and enjoy the challenge. I only hope to have life again one day. But as strong as I am , I will admit this disease, curse, or whatever it is, I’m starting to think I’ve met my match and this one I may not can beat. Maybe I’m not supposed to beat this one, but Mr. C I am still here and I have those thoughts sometimes, they do comeore often than they use too. But I don’t let them stay long, I kick myself back up and remember who I and remember my Dad, my inspiration, and vow to be stronger and beat this thing because I know I can’t win if I don’t try. But I’m struggling right now ( not quitting). But I stay in touch I hope. And I do wish you the best ! A friend( I hope ) sheila

  19. Pattie Faulkenberry said:

    Dear Anguish,

    I felt the same way for or 9 years b/c of the M, and how it has kept me from doing things with/for my family. Told my friend I’d been totally useless, and she made a HUGE list of stuff the SHE knows I’ve done to help others. Surely another person would have different things on their list. She forced me into not feeling like a loser, and I’m really not! 🙂

    And speaking of lists, why not make yourself one and add some type of time/schedule to it. Marking stuff off the list as they get done is the best feeling! Hope I’ve helped! (I still have many days of feeling and BEING nearly completely useless. HATE THIS DANG DISEASE!!!!!!!!!! God bless you!

    • A little off topic, but has anyone heard about or used a Rife machine. The CancerClinic (http://www.cancerclinic.co.nz/downloads-3/index.html) has developed a protocol for M sufferers that is supposed to help. The “invisible Insects” website guy, says he got rid of his bugs in 6 days.
      I’m just wondering if anyone has tried it, and has any real life feedback/experience to talk about.
      The protocol actually sounds decent, and according to Dr. Hulda Clark you can actually kill or treat a whole bunch of bugs bacteria and conditions with this machine. Their list has over 5000 different illnesses you can treat. Maybe that would be something to look into Mr. C, if you haven’t already.
      Just wondering outloud …

  20. I wish you weren’t once again dealing with health issues. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Peace, Joe

  21. Beautiful and full of love sharing. Mr. Common Sense. Thank you. Maybe you can relate to this. The other day I had lunch with a friend that will talk about God openly. On the topic of spiritual life, I said ‘Well I am very happy with the Lord.” Thinking of all the times lately that I have been washed clean by my own anguish and tears. After which I can get back to being a humble servant to those around me rather than a total self involved mess. Cheerful even. What a miracle. Thank you Lord.

    I found that M disease has pushed me to analyze my every act as though I were standing at the Gate between here and there, on my personal judgment day. I so want to be ready to put on the white robe. I pray I will be ready. This is the way to evolve. Doing what you are doing. Facing ourselves. Then I said to my friend, “Although I am so happy in the Lord, I know he cannot be happy with me.”

    I feel like such a failure. I have wasted my talents and been wanton. In confession a few yeas ago I spoke about this, Full disclosure, I am from that horribly disgraced religion, that is full of good souls. I feel by destiny that I must help to clean it up in whatever small ways I can. This priest was old, but had a lovely face showing decades of the practice of delivering the Lord’s healing forgiveness to lost souls… He was completely full of compassion as he listened and said to me, “God doesn’t care if we succeed. He only wants to see that we tried.”

    Remember that all of the apostles failed Jesus during his life. Disappointed Him, were cowards, even murderers. It was not until the culmination of the Cross, the suffering was endured, that they were redeemed and made able to be the men we know them as now.

    When you share as you have done here, you open the gates for others to really get the power of the connection to reality that is belief and faith. Some have called it a fairy tale, wish fulfillment, opium of the masses, but those who have the experiences you have know that it is real. Your testimony here has made the Lord very happy. Even if you are not happy with Mr. Commen Sense. Peace brother friend.

  22. dividing cricker said:

    Well MrC you have my email , Any time is good. We all know too much . I know many really smart people , I have issues writing but am much better at a verbal conversation . I’ve lived with a few life altering health issues beside this morgellons ,or what ever it is. I have floored more than a few experts with my explanations of the complex health issues. Well enough about that ! Are you doing anything fun ? I’m still putting a old aluminum sea ark 1652 together .My old Honda 25 needs new , Still looking for a deal. I’m into the salt water here . I live on a brackish water tidal creek . Its about 10 minutes from the bay , Not much here but bugs and wildlife . I have a little 40×40 garden ,a purple martin house all full up and a osprey nest out back . I’m as far as I can go from civilization in NJ . The bugs have more rights than I do. LOL . I’m thinking we all have something going on that we don’t know about . Its pretty earth shattering when we find out. I know , I’ve been in that chair . My problem is I’m not to fearful of it anymore . I have DNR tattooed on my chest !!! If I can help / any time …. DC

  23. gayla webster said:

    mr cs, I have had the same tendency re thinking or feeling like I have made some really “sorry ass” choices in my life, but thru it all, I realize god’s precious love and grace has been, is and will be w/me still. I kinda wonder if those thoughts may be a physical build up of neurotoxins, due to the morgellons pathogen. I was reading that lecithin helps that somehow, also, oil of oregano seems to soothe my brain. just a little something, something.
    gayla

  24. Follower said:

    I wish you the best of luck with whatever you’re going through, you know we’re all here for you.
    However, do you think it would be fair to perhaps disclose more information as to the nature of what is going on here to the people who follow you, follow your advice, and try to do what you have done? Perhaps you owe it to us to warn us of what could happen to us if we follow the same path, perhaps as a possible side-effect to your protocols or what-not. Maybe I’m overreaching here, but I’m worried. We all are. Cryptic messages like this do nothing to help my already paranoid and damaged psyche.

    Regardless, best wishes.

  25. Mr. CS,
    I don’t know you and maybe you have failed, like you say, but right now you are my hero.

    I happened upon your site and have been reading it for 2 days now. I am a fairly new Morgellons sufferer, and I am still in shock and most times totally incapacitated both physically and emotionally. I don’t have much information on this disease and I have read some terrifying and some negative blogs. I am completely alone in this situation as I know not one person in Washington State with the same thing
    . My family virtually abandoned me and my marriage of 32 yrs. to a fine Dentist, ended. So, I truly am alone but I am not having a pity party for the sake of attention, so I hope this isn’t taken in that way.

    I am a nurse and am not working so have tried to do research on Morgellons lately. To make a very long story short, I have had some very scary thoughts about my life. I can’t tell you how many times I have felt like just “checking out”. That’s what I mean about scary feelings, which are so unlike my personality. After finding your site I feel not so alone anymore. You are a very intelligent and articulate individual and I have you to thank for helping me to see the light again.

    I have to admit I am questioning my faith a lot lately. I sometimes feel God doesn’t have a clue I exist. I hope I have not offended you or anyone else. Like I said, these are all very scary and unfamiliar feelings for me.
    Anyway I can’t thank you enough for all your articles and information. I can relate to so many posts and your articles and it is a relief to know all the things I have experienced related to this disease, are real and that others are experiencing the same. ( sorry all, but you have no idea how you have helped me by posting honestly and from the heart).
    Anyway CS, you are the best even if you don’t feel that way and I will always feel indebted to you.
    Lynda

    • Lynda, just wanted to say I am a nurse too, also currently not working. Although I am running out of money very rapidly.
      I think this condition is extremely common, as evidenced by the silver and red glitter I always see in my building’s laundry room (all over the floor, on/around the wastebasket, and in the dryers more often than not). I see the same exact glitter on the belt where you place your purchases at the register at Target, Walmart, and grocery stores, and I also saw it on the floor in the pew at church when I went up for Communion. Luckily I was sitting at the other end of the pew. I never used to see glitter all around until this year. Every once in a while I see hundreds of tiny black dots and pieces of small blue glitter, and I think that must be from when a home health aide does the laundry of a mentally ill man in my building (I think she only does it once a month!) Can you imagine how disconcerting this is and how long I have to clean in therebefore I feel comfortable doing my family’s laundry at times like that? I myself do not have glitter coming out of me as far as I know, probably because I am so OCD about the laundry etc since this started. I mostly have the little white things after my shower. There are at least 3 people on my side of the building who smell like they do not bathe, and they and the other tenants (whom I think are just careless and possibly ignorant about M) are probably not doing a thing to try to get rid of it and are probably spreading it around.
      My family hasn’t abandoned me yet but not one of them believes Morgellons is real. Even if my husband admits he sees fibers in the environment or something that came out of me, he says, “So what if there are fibers? They’re not hurting anyone.” I say “They’re hurting ME.” Then he says, “Don’t you realize none of what you’re saying makes any sense?” I don’t claim to have any answers (only suspicions) to this mystery but I don’t appreciate people whether family or doctors assuming I don’t see what I see and feel what I feel.
      I had to drive my son to work today and on the radio they were talking about a child with a rare mitochondrial disease who is being kept in a Children’s Hospital in Boston I believe, in the psych unit and they are not allowing her to go home with her family because they have decided it’s Munchausen by Proxy causing her to have Somatoform D/O. Apparently this is a real trend nowadays. It so reminded me of the wilingness of doctors to label Morgellons pts DOP with very little data and investigation.
      Best to you Lynda and Mr. CS and others.

  26. Mr. C- thank you for posting this and the videos. I think it is so natural to have flashbacks on life when a life threatening illness comes on us. All of us no matter what age have to face ourselves and when it comes down to life and death, we have to do it alone and with God even if family is with us, we are still alone in our own anguish of what we could have, should have, wished we would have done differently. I have had so much of this going on since having Morgellons and I am sure whatever the illness is, this is a very normal response to our lives. I found myself really seeing the people around me on the streets, the homeless, the elderly, etc and crying when I realized I was too lost in my own little world of me and my family’s needs. The pain I felt and guilt knowing I complained about the most ridiculous things and was not grateful etc. did cause anguish along with the anguish of the fact we might lose our lives and have no chance to make it right so to speak. This emotional toll was taking me down just as fast if not faster than M and I had to stop and do some work with it. Sorry this is so long, but you have hit on something here that I am sure everyone of us has faced and felt. Also I want to point out that even those it does not excuse our selfishness ( and keep reading because this gets more positive trust me) we just are like robots in the American lifestyle being fed this way of life and we get caught up in it- the money, the tv shows. We do work hard for our kids and we get tired, but yes looking back one realizes how much more and different we could have loved, given differently, been more aware, etc. SO here are a few gems I found on my road to Self forgiveness: Please forgive yourself Mr. C- and you know what- maybe you are saving some souls by being brave enough to post these truths about yourself along with these videos because I know for me, I keep trying to find some meaning why people are suffering with M or whatever illness and dying early deaths, etc and the Anguish in all of it. But maybe you hit it on the head and God just wants us to wake up to the fact and we are lucky we can SEE IT before we pass ( Not that I think anyone is passing) so we can truly save our souls by ” finally getting it”. SO here are the gems that helped me and now I can say I have peace about my life, I have forgiven myself and I stop regretting and beating myself up.
    Number one- posted on a website called a beautiful mess ” Those who love you are not fooled by the mistakes you have made and the dark images you hold of yourself- They remember your beauty when you feel ugly, your wholeness when you are broken, your innocence when you feel guilty and your purpose when you are confused”

    Number Two- The book the Tick Slayer by Perry Louis Fields- she talks a lot about how her emotions were a big mess in her illness with Lyme disease. She talks of ” flashbacks” and how it haunted her ( not exact words) that she could not fullfill her dreams with her sick body when she was at her worst point bedridden. And she reminds her readers that neuro -toxins can create a lot of intrusive thoughts, and the crazies as she calls them. Finally when we are ill, we have Time on our hands to think about all this, when otherwise we would be living life and I am sure doing good things.

    Number Three- by one of the famous 12 step writers on a book about grief- she wrote about life threatening illness this question ” are you willing to see how vulnerable you are and still take care of yourself knowing that FOR NO GOOD REASON, it ( meaning health and/or life) can be taken away and NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY? wow- that made me think, she goes on to say ” you are not being punished” and ” trust in the process of Life” etc.

    It took me a while and some work and looking things up and reading just like when researching for the cure, etc. to do the emotional work necessary. I found these along the way. And a few more things that help me- some God Vine website videos one of which a father dying of prostate cancer and his daughter setting up a father daughter wedding dance even though she is not even in a serious relationship- she set it up complete with the gown and tux and limo etc and he got out of bed, got dressed and danced with her. I know that is sad, but we are not alone. Things happen, Princess Diana can’t see Prince William and Kate’s wedding and new baby- how sad, but life goes on and there is a flow to life. I have children and it is Anguish to think of leaving them or not being there for them, but back to the point. I am sure you are/were a wonderful father and man. We all fall short. FORGIVE YOURSELF. GOD already has. Set yourself free! I did with some work and now I don’t allow myself to self recriminate or look back and feel badly about my mistakes, failures and screw ups. I just won’t allow it any longer. Forgiveness is from God that is why He sent His only Son to die for us and even for those not Christian, I still believe we are human and we can’t possibly get it all right. Regrets are tough. We all have them. If illness teaches us this lesson before we pass, then we are blessed vs. never having awakened and staying blind to society’s ways of overlooking those who need help, hurt, etc. We all have it wrong, not just you, but I think as someone else said something bigger is going on and things will change in humanity.

  27. Not long ago I happened upon another one of those horrible “skeptic” websites where immature, nasty people were telling M sufferers they were “attention whores” with a made-up disease and were Mentally ill and delusional and needed psychiatric care. Not sure how they were delusional and yet were purposely making it up for attention…Anyway…
    I became filled with rage as I always do at these times and I was mentally formulating the expletive-filled comment I would like to post, telling them they were morons and I hoped they got Morgellons. (I have never actually done that, but I’ve thought about it more than once.) Then I saw some comments by Mr. Common Sense which were not the slightest bit hostile. I truly marvelled at how he managed to respond that way. And these were from a couple of years ago I believe, presumably before the new health issue revealed itself. I don’t know you Mr. CS but apparently you weren’t as bad as you think.
    I will pray for you.
    J

    • God Bless you Brother.

      This disease isn’t about us, but I am pretty sure these years of coping and survival are erasing our negatives and accentuating our “positives”.
      God is always with us.
      Redemption is our ticket to heaven.
      Can’t undo the past, no use in fretting.
      We got one shot, still taking it!

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